The Across-the-Room Flirt

halloween-alla-pete

Happy Halloween from Alla and Pete!

halloween-alla-pete
Happy Halloween from Alla and Pete!

Hello Sir,

 

Each day when I go into the Student Services Building, I notice this boy sitting by the wall. When I walk in and out, he stares at me, but never says anything. One day, he finally mustered up and asked me, “How do you look so neat?” I was very confused, partially because he had an accent.  And lets face it–that is a rather odd pick-up line. We talked for a bit, and I left for class afterwards.

 

Now, when I go into the building each morning, we say hello and goodbye to one another. However, I have a bit of a problem.

 

I like this person, yet I do not know how to approach the situation. Last week, I sat down for a while and we talked, yet, he has not made any moves to get my number or hang out yet. You see, he has only been in the U.S for a couple of months, so I do not know if he is taking things slow or if he is interested or not. Maybe he does not know how things work in America, meaning how guys ask girls out. Who knows?

 

He has clarified that he does not have a girlfriend when I asked him casually.

 

Should I keep talking to him and ask for his number? Should I give him mine? Should I just wait for him to make the first move in case he is not interested?

How can I let him know that I am interested without seeming too eager and desperate?

 

Sincerely,

 

Hermione Granger.

Hey there, Hermione!

 

It sounds like he’s either shy or introverted. He may or may not be interested, but I’m guessing he definitely finds you attractive! If he specifically made it clear that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, that could also be a sign that he’s interested. I suggest you definitely keep talking to him to see if you have chemistry, since it seems as though you don’t know each other well yet.

 

You say he hasn’t asked you out or for your number, but why not ask him? If you don’t know if he’s interested or not, he may not know either. Like you said, he’s not as aware of U.S. dating culture; if he’s really new to this country, he may be very nervous to try anything just yet. It’s quite hard to adjust to such a new surrounding.

 

It seems that he doesn’t know very many people around here yet. If you like being around him, you could definitely try just asking him to hang out. It doesn’t have to be a date, but it’s definitely a start. It’ll show him that you like his company and if he accepts, he probably likes yours too! If he says no and doesn’t give you a day he’s free to hang out instead, then you can move on without getting too invested. If he says yes, then you’re golden. Hang out with him, and if you have a good time, try asking him out or making moves of your own!

 

It’s fine to want him to make the first move, but it’s not really necessary. If things aren’t going at the pace you want them to, take control! Rejection may be scary for you, but remember  that it’s also scary for guys too.

 

Remember: you’re awesome, regardless of what this guy may think.

 

Best of luck to you!

 

-Alla

Hey, Hermione!

 

First thing’s first! At least this guy isn’t Draco Malfoy.

 

If he stares at you, that’s a pretty good signal that he likes you, or at the very least finds you attractive. I think there’s a distinction to me made there.

He’s complimented you and made it clear he doesn’t have a girlfriend-I would say this is kind of a green light.

 

Since there does seem to be a cultural and/or language barrier here, there are two possibilities I can identify as to why he hasn’t already made a move in terms of asking you out.

The first being that because of the cultural differences, what seem to Americans to be pretty obvious tip-offs to flirtation and interest are just his attempts at small talk.

The second possibility is, that like he said, he really doesn’t know how to talk to girls in the United States.

I’d say go for it. Make an initial move and give him your number. Introduce the topic organically after striking up a conversation; when you’re about to leave, say something along the lines of “Hey, get out your phone-here’s my number. Text me this weekend!”  From there, get to know him better, but don’t rely too heavily on texting.  Suggest getting together outside of school, for something low pressure like a coffee and a walk around Downtown Bethesda, or Rockville Town Square.

 

In a case like this, where you’re interested in someone you don’t know all that well, you don’t have anything to lose by making an obvious move. Moreover, at the very least, by the end of it you’ll have a better idea of what his intentions or motivations here are.

 

Best of luck! (Make sure to let us know how it goes!)

 

Wingardium Leviosa,

-Peter