Jesster’s Corner: The Return

Jessters Corner: The Return


Back in 2001, I left Montgomery College to pursue higher education and then to much greater adventures out in what people with a very loose grasp on reality call the real world. That was the plan anyway. It should be obvious from the fact that I’m writing this that it didn’t quite happen. So after spending four years at Towson University, five years as file clerk, about eight months unemployed watching Mythbusters in my pajamas, four months working in the storeroom at a department store, and finally hitting rock bottom by making a majority of my income as a middleman on the trade of Star Wars collectibles, I decided to return as a student.   Why? I knew the market for original unopened 1983 Wicket the Ewok toothbrushes had to burst at some point. You’d be surprised what those go for after 30 years.

12 years is a long time to be out of the humor column game. Last time The Advocate ran something I wrote many of you were first graders.  It almost feels like that scene from The Incredibles when Bob puts his suit back on. Granted, Bob is thinner and has more hair than I do but the spirit is the same.  Here are some things that have changed in that time:

·         “Family Guy” had just been cancelled.

·         Cell phones were actually phones. Text messages were in their infancy and thought to be moronic. Most games were in black and white with 4-bit graphics.  Every picture looked a snapshot of Sasquatch.

·         “Adult Swim” didn’t have live action shows.

·         You could wear your shoes when going through airline security.

·         NASA was fully invested in the space shuttle program.

·         TV and movies have gone through 3 Doctor Whos, 3 Incredible Hulks, 2 Batmans and 2 and a half Charlie Sheens.

·         We hadn’t gone to war with Iraq over false pretenses.

·         Jon Stewart was not the most trusted journalist in America.

·         A pro-wrestler was governor of Minnesota.

·         SyFy Channel knew how to spell.  Plus, it was the home of good shows like Farscape and Mystery Science Theater 3000 instead of movies like ‘Swamp Volcano’ ‘Mega Shark vs. Giant Octupus’, ‘Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus’ and the almost inevitable ‘Mega Shark vs. Swamp Volcano’.

·         Gays and Lesbians could only get married in a small number of states.

·         There had yet to be a Hispanic on the Supreme Court.

·         Every geek in America was worried that Ben Affleck didn’t have the acting chops to be a superhero.

And last but not least

·         Having a black president was considered the most blatant science fiction element of a movie where Elijah Wood saves a large portion of humanity from a meteor.