“Please break down how to avoid the dreaded “friendzone” for males.”

[one_half]

Hey,

All the word “friendzone” means is that the girl has no interest in you romantically, and you’re sticking around expecting her to. Either the girl is attracted to you, or isn’t.

 The best way to avoid the friendzone is to not put yourself there in the first place. If you want a romantic relationship with a girl and not a friendship, don’t go for a friendship. Make it known to her that you’re interested and go from there. If you start out as her friend with the sole intention of dating her, you’re just lying to her and she has no idea that you want to be more.

Here’s a dialogue with friendzone logic applied:

Keep in mind that this is an analogy, the Man is the prospective boyfriend, the Employee is the girl.

Man walks into a store and finds an employee.

Man: Alright, I’ve had enough. Why haven’t you guys hired me?!

Employee: Uh…well sir, when did you put in your application?

Man: I never filled out an application.

Employee: Well sir, we can’t consider you for employment if you’ve never filled out an application.

Man: No, that’s bullshit, because I’ve been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!

Employee: Well, but that doesn’t-

Man: AND I even told you that I didn’t have a job!

Employee: But sir, that doesn’t indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you’ve never filled out an application, we can’t consider you. Besides, we’re not hiring.

Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won’t consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you’ve been looking for workers to fill positions? That’s insane!

Employee: Sir, we’ve been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?

Man: Well no, but what does that matter?

Employee: …Well sir, that’s what we’re looking for. You won’t be suitable for the position without management experience.

Man: Oh that’s such a load of crap. You know, you’ll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don’t lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I’m willing to work here, that’s all that should matter to you.

Employee: That…doesn’t make any sense.

Man: NO! I’m done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.

This only means that if you don’t show interest to begin with, how is she supposed to know how you feel? It also means that sometimes, you just don’t fit the criteria she has for dating. It could be for any reason, so don’t take it personally. Many people get angry about this, and the above dialogue shows that it’s a little ridiculous. Being upset about rejection is okay and healthy, but try not to be mad at her for it.

 That being said, if she says no, move on. Don’t be strung along and think that becoming

close to her will bring her to you. Become her friend to become her friend, and if it organically escalates from there, then good for you guys! Just be genuine in your friendship. It’s your choice to continue being friends with her or not.

 Best wishes,

Alla [/one_half][one_half_last]

Alla’s example was interesting – I think it pretty accurately depicts what occasionally happens when two friends decide to date/consider dating/ the friendship gets complicated.  Keep in mind that it is a generalization; so it doesn’t always work that way. What does actually occur is more of a function of the specifics of the strength of the friendship and both of your intentions.

To echo what Alla said, I think that the best thing to do in this sort of situation is to go into a friendship with the best intentions – if things come up and it seems like there’s a mutual interest and attraction that’s beyond the platonic, it’s important to evaluate the situation before acting.

If you value the friendship more than a potential romantic relationship, think long and hard about it and proceed with caution. Honesty is always the best and frankly, any friendship or relationship should be predicated on good communication and being forthright with the other person. Don’t play any games with this person, if they’re not interested in you already or aren’t open to trying dating, there’s nothing you can do to possibly influence their opinion. You just need to continue being yourself and move on.

The best way to go about it, if you’re ready to put it all on the line and tell them how you really feel is to just sit them down and be honest and straightforward. This isn’t a marriage proposal in the movies, taking them to a fancy restaurant or to the banks of the potomac river isn’t going to influence their answer either way or suddenly make them see you in a new light. Just keep it simple, and explain how you feel, concisely and confidently. Don’t disclaim your pitch with statements like, “I value our friendship, so if you say ‘no’ it’s okay”. You want to put her on the spot to get an honest answer, regardless of what it is.

To employ the age-old cliche, “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and you will meet someone with whom you can make a romantic connection. It’s a statistical probability that you will meet someone with whom you make said connection. Moreover, chances are the person that you end up with ultimately will not be the person you meet at age 18, or 19, or 20.

So keep on meeting people, keep on making friends and don’t stress too much about “making someone your girlfriend”.

~Pete [/one_half_last]