Another day another dollar, another year another break up. Well, time to schedule a date with the guys you always go to on a rebound, Ben & Jerry’s. While you put aside thoughts of becoming a “Chunky Monkey” you ask yourself, why me? Why does this always happen to me?

In a previous article we discussed the game of dating. Today we will discuss when it feels like you have lost the game.

Preserve Yourself

A woman that has struggled with abuse may feel that she should “turn the other cheek.” Turning the other cheek is a good policy but it does not mean running back to get hit again. As you feel separation from someone so close to you, the temptation will be to go back to someone who can understand you. Unfortunately that person is probably who you were just separated from. If the relationship is over for good, do not go running back to them. You need time alone and time with your friends.

A young woman ended an on-again off-again relationship of three years. At a party shortly after, five friends gathered around her and showed that skill called listening that people are talking so much about. As laughter came out of that circle one could think of the works of Taylor Swift ,“tonight feels like a wonderful night to dress like hipsters and make fun of our exes.” That certainly seemed to help her that night. It is not required, or recommended, that you maliciously make fun of your ex, but there is nothing wrong with telling your friends that you are still worth it regardless of them.

It’s hard for them too

When you get broken up with it’s hard, and it can seem confusing that it is also hard for the person ending the relationship. You may find yourself asking “if it’s so difficult to break up, why did they do it?” It doesn’t have to make sense to you, it really is hard for them. They are losing a friend, companion, sounding board, listening ear, partner, and comforter. They were with you for as long as they were, in large part because they wanted to be. Respect that it’s hard for both of you and that you both may be hurt most by the fact that it isn’t like it used to be.

Relationships are planted in your heart

Gardening can be difficult. Having a beautiful garden requires plants of different shapes, sizes and colors; but not to be overlooked is the need for plants to bloom at different times. There are three different ways that plants bloom. There are annuals, often beautiful and exciting. They only bloom once, and must be planted again each time you want to have them bloom. Perennials on the other hand, come back every year as long as there is an environment to allow them to grow. Then there are plants that have color year round. An evergreen or bush may not seem exciting, but a garden can’t look like a bag of skittles, consistent greens tie everything together. Different flowers bloom at different times of the year. Each has a unique design to fill nature as well as your backyard. Can you imagine rose bushes blooming in the dead of winter and then daffodils coming with the changes of the leaves?

Relationships are like plants in many ways, especially when it comes to the growing seasons. Flings come and go, they are rather natural. Beauty and attraction collide with circumstance and it seems almost wrong to pass up the opportunity. They are fun and exciting, often with a bit of flare, but they, like an annual plant, go the way of the earth and don’t come back. Perennials are an odd relationship. On again off again, these relationships don’t seem to have an end but they do usually follow a pattern. As sure as a mothers roses bloom each year, there are people in your life that will bud into a relationship almost every time your paths cross. Evergreen relationships aren’t usually attractive to others. They’re that friend you have that has been dating for months or years. You’re sure they fight, but it doesn’t seem to shake them. They must have some sort of flare right? You can only look at a pine tree for so long before you admit that pinecones aren’t that pretty. Evergreen relationships can be spiced up and decorated. Think of Christmas, the thrill of seeking and chopping down your own tree. Decorating with carols playing, and finally piles of gifts underneath.

Our lives will need each relationship type the way nature needs each plant. Your fling is not a failure because you can’t seem to get her back, it is a successful annual plant. Don’t waste time trying to turn a rose into a pine tree!

Get that Band-aid off!

How do you remove a band aid? Do you take it off fast so it’s over quick? Do you peel it off slow to ease the pain? Do you go swimming in the public pool so it falls of? If you’re the last one please stop reading and get help. You know what people don’t do? They don’t rip it off, put it back on, try to ease it off, put it back on, try to let it stick, then finally give up. Don’t do that with relationships! No one is advocating (pun totally intended) that you don’t work hard to stay in a relationship. The key is to know when something is finally done. When all reasonable resources have been exhausted you get the band aid off.

Self worth

Despite what we may think, dating is not like capitalism. Your value does not go up or down because of supply and demand. Your value is as internal as it is eternal. It’s natural to think less of yourself when you are rejected or a relationship ends. Even those ending relationships can feel guilt and worry about what they’ve done. It is okay. You are okay. There is a season for everything under the sun and the one you desire is coming. Go and til the garden, prepare yourself for relationships. Create an environment where they can grow. Clear out the past, learn for the future, and get ready, planting season is just around the corner.

Alexis Low, a student at American University, also contributed to the article.