So, I’ve been having a problem with this girl that I sit next to in my Linguistics class.
She has been staring at me for the entirety of the semester. It’s a small class, and I don’t ever sit in the same seat so I KNOW that she’s staring at me. She’s really good looking, and after checking her out on Facebook, I know she’s just my type.
I finally got to talk to her when one day she approached me as I was leaving class to go to a concert downtown. She asked to come with, even though we hadn’t spoken before that point.
We had a GREAT time, and although nothing intimate occurred, we started texting a little bit. Whenever I see her, she’s very stoked to see me, and we have great talks, but when I try and text her or make a plan to hang out, she’s very cold and I can hardly get more than a one word answer out of her.
The problem most recently, hasn’t been anything with her – we aren’t dating or anything, but I just feel so insecure because I don’t know what to expect from her – it makes me REALLY nervous and self conscious because I just get SUCH mixed signals from her. I think I’m in love with her but, that being said I hardly know her.
HELP, please. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Loveless in Linguistics
Hey there, Loveless in Linguistics,
First thing’s first–you’re not alone. I’ve been in your shoes a couple of times before; it is really tough getting to know someone better via a text-message conversation. When we talk to someone face-to-face, we can see their facial expressions and hear their tone. While texting someone, you can see the words on the screen, but if you’re in a bad mood or caught up in your head about this girl, you may take an otherwise innocent text the wrong way completely. I think this girl definitely likes you – especially if you catch her staring at you and you have a good time hanging out. She’s just probably not as active in texting as you are.
Secondly, it’s completely normal to feel self-conscious when a relationship, or even a potential relationship, isn’t going the way that you expect. I’m not telling you to lower your expectations; I’m asking you throw them out of the window. Expectations are the gateway to you having your feelings hurt – if I’ve learned one thing from life thus far, it’s that absolutely nothing will ever go precisely according to plan. Just take it easy. Your feelings are normal, not weird. Think about taking a step back and just enjoying the time you spend with her, instead of worrying about talking to her when you aren’t near her physically.
Good Luck!
Peter
Hello, Loveless in Linguistics,
As Peter said, it’s common to be anxious when you’re interested in someone. However, you definitely have something going here; she’s showing interest in you. She gave you initial clues (staring, etc.) and then she took the initiative to ask you out, which is a fairly rare event. Since she made most of the moves, she’s almost surely into you.
As far as the texts go, try not to base any part of your relationship with her on texting. Even friendships are stronger the more you actually talk, whether it be on the phone or in person. If you want to start anything romantic with her, try not to focus on texting. Texts don’t feel as personal and don’t form as strong of a bond. Like Peter said already, texts are really easy to misinterpret and are likely to cause problems. The tone can be hard to distinguish, and you may interpret something as cold that really isn’t. My suggestion to you is just to focus more on your face-to-face interaction with her than your texting interaction with her, and you won’t be as confused.
Overall though, it sounds like everything is going well and you’re well on your way. Just let it proceed naturally and I think you’ll be fine!
Best wishes!
Alla
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